I picked up a book titled Disobedient Women, thinking it would have good stories for speaking truth to power. It turned out to be about “a reformation in digital space”, stories of women bloggers who provide a safe platform and support for exposing / detailing abuse in evangelical churches.
A few days after starting the book, I was listening to the car radio. I often hit the “Seek” button — and stop on different stations to gain insights into different world views. I landed on an evangelical station that had a panel of ministers discussing current issues. The topic was the new requirement at many churches for NDA’s for staff and volunteers.
NDA’s are Non Disclosure Agreements, which are usually used after a complaint / lawsuit is settled privately (out of court / the public eye). It hides the details of the settlement from the public so more cases are not encouraged. It is a pro-corporate protection practice.
In the evangelical churches situation, it appears the required NDA’s would prohibit discussing all church matters and practices. Wow. I was surprised to hear one after another minister (all male) refuse to speak to the issue. One stated he believed in living in truth and light, but thought there was a safety issue in there somewhere, so he couldn’t speak to it.
As I listened, I shifted my focus on the disobedient women. While they were speaking truth to power, they were also victims of spiritual echo chambers.
Echo Chamber is a metaphor for an acoustic reverberation enclosure where the same sound gets repeated endlessly. It is an environment / microsystem where beliefs are repeated and reinforced – endlessly echoed – without other sounds / perspectives.
While the stories are about a specific set of churches, they mirror stories from other spiritual settings. Unlike cults, these churches are usually socially accepted and respected organizations. In the profiled evangelical churches, Books like Training Dominion Oriented Daughters and Joyfully at Home extoll the virtues of women who live at home until marriage. They are controlled to shuffle from a father with God-given authority to a husband with the same. They go from one echo chamber to another. Virtuous mothers raise their daughters in the same tradition. When kids are raised in a closed system – family, home schooling, church – with no other source of information, abuse is “easier”.
REFLECT:
Have you ever been in a spiritual echo chamber?
If yes, how did you get free of it?
If not, how would you help another person get free of one?
The book, When Religion Hurts You, addressed this same theme on a general level. Laura Anderson, the author, is a therapist with personal experience of spiritual abuse. Specializing in the field, she did her doctoral research on it, founded RTI, the Religious Trauma Institute, and has a thriving practice supporting others in reclaiming their lives as healing individuals.
Her first step was to re-define healing. Unlike living a structured life to “get to heaven”, it is an ongoing and dynamic process of personal progress. When she released the end-goal and focused on creating a new life for herself, her shift was significant.
So she got clear on definitions.
Abuse is what happens to us when a person, group or system haspower and control over us.
Religious abuse is the improper use of religious beliefs, teachings, doctrines, relationships against another.
Physical abuse is the improper use of one’s body to harm another person’s body.
Sexual abuse is the improper use of sex against another.
Trauma is our nervous system’s response to what happens to us, and it is subjective. Some experience confusion, anxiety or depression – and withdraw or act out. Some experience extreme fear, hypervigilance, and social phobias. Some repeat the behaviors on others. Often, the trauma response depends on the level of acceptance and support received by the victim.
Power and control are the foundation of spiritual abuse. In the realm of HCR (high control religions), the leader is believed to be “called by God”. Followers often believe they can’t trust themselves to choose good on their own, so they must follow the dictates of the emissary of God leader. This creates an echo chamber of its own about “good actions” and “bad actions”, obedience and conformity. (It is interesting that Edgar Cayce said the worst “karma” was trying to control another – which is the foundation of many religious / spiritual approaches).
Anderson writes the abuse dynamic begins with “love-bombing”. While I was aware of the 3 steps leading to abuse – (1) groom, (2) isolate, (3) abuse – lovebombing was new language for me. And it is so much more descriptive of Step 1 than grooming!
When I lived in Sedona, this was the strategy of the local Buddhist leader. To enlist a new member, she showered them with intense displays of gifts and affection, including living arrangements. The new member felt safety, security, belonging, connection, and understanding, often followed by a conversion experience. It was a perfect Maslow’s Hierarchy strategy! (see the Maslow blog). It was challenging for me to be at peace with a spiritual community built on a foundation of manipulative and abuse (see the False Guru blog). (Ironically, the Stupa they built is the first hike we take on the spiritual retreats I lead in Sedona.)
I juggle having compassion with holding abusers accountable. The Dalai Lama prays for the Chinese, the people responsible for the destruction of Tibetan freedom and culture. He also says having compassion is not enough – we must take action. It’s a challenging dance!
APPLY:
What right action could you take to
* diminish the power of a spiritual echo chamber?
* support the healing of an echo chamber “survivor”?
Disobedient Women: How a Small Group of Faithful Women Exposed Abuse, Brought Down Powerful Pastors, and Ignited an Evangelical Reckoning, Sarah Stankorb, New York, Worthy Publishing, 2023.
When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion, Laura E. Anderson, Phd. Baker Publishing, 2023.
