Giving Positive Feedback
In my first “big” organizational leadership position, I searched for anything and everything to learn and improve. When I learned about giving positive feedback, I figured I already was good at it. But when I monitored my feedback patterns, I was awful at it. I was giving almost ZERO positive feedback to my staff.
To self-correct, I added it to my daily to-do list: Give 1 PF. But day after day, when I reviewed my daily list, the Give 1 PF wasn’t checked off. It hadn’t happened. For a temporary “fix” – since I was working long after my office closed and the staff was gone, I wrote post it notes and left them on staf member’s desks.
But I was committed to changing my behavior. I did serious self-reflection and realized there were two obstacles in my way:
(1) I was doing a division turn-around, focusing on what was NOT working, so I could fix it. What was working / working well didn’t get my attention, since that was business as expected.
(2) I expected everyone to perform at a high level, so good work was normal. It was also business as expected.
REFLECT:
Reflect on how / how often you give positive feedback.
(Note: research shows positive feedback is usually given to women for their appearance and to men for their performance. Observe for this pattern as well).
How would you like to improve?
I committed to looking for what was going right and providing feedback. At first, it was a hasty and general statement like, “Good job today”. Then I learned and practiced and graduated from general to specific feedback, sometimes called “sticky feedback” because it sticks – staff remembers it.
“Good job today” became:
“That report was excellent! It was timely: it was accurate: it was easy to read, and I got the data I needed to make a solid decision. What I liked the most about it was the way you organized it and highlighted the different areas. Thanks for the good work. I appreciate it.”
When I started consulting, I created a process / exercise to make this easy for leaders. (See the blog, Organizational Change – Pareto).
Receiving Positive Feedback
Thanks, Diane, for providing the AHA moment that turned me around on this skill development. While flying to a conference, I sat beside Diane, a counselor, who was flying to the same conference. We chatted non-stop the entire flight, and as we were deplaning, we introduced ourselves. When she heard my name, she exclaimed:
“You’re Teri Mahaney. I’ve heard so much about you. You’re doing wonderful work. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to talk to you all this time.”
Feeling uncomfortable with her warm praise, I muttered:
“Oh, I pay people to say those nice things about me.”
Diane froze, squared me off in the aisle, and said with a serious tone:
“You may discount yourself. But you may not discount me and my comments. I expected more from you.”
THUD. Clearly, I had work to do on receiving feedback! Being an introvert did not excuse my rude response. The appropriate response was simple:
Thank You.
I began practicing. I’m still an introvert who can get uncomfortable with excessive praise, and sometimes it takes effort to be a respectful responder. But I’m at least 90% better.
As a leader, you can share positive feedback with your team:
Thank You. I appreciate that. And I couldn’t have done it without my great team that worked diligently to complete the project on time and on budget.
REFLECT:
Monitor how you respond to positive feedback.
What does it say about you as a person / as a leader?
APPLY:
If needed, Practice, Practice, Practice responding with a simple Thank You.
Asking for Positive Feedback
Often, we do not feel we have received adequate feedback for performance. In that case, ask for it – specifically.
How do you think I did on that last report?
How did my meeting go?
Are you OK with the way I led the project?
REFLECT:
Monitor how often you receive positive feedback, and what it is for.
Determine if you are satisfied with it.
APPLY:
If you are not satisfied with the feedback you receive, ask for it.
