I received this text from an alarmed friend.
“Yesterday, I was in such back pain I could hardly walk up the stairs in my house. My sister was just hospitalized and says she is in great back pain. Can I be feeling her pain? Does this mean I am an EMPATH?????”
HUH? I wondered. How could she NOT know she is an empath?
I met her decades ago when we car pooled to college together. Totally Texas traditional, she had been a high school cheerleader who married the football quarterback and had two kids. A divorce derailed her life, and she moved back in with her parents – an oil company executive dad: a middle school teacher mom. She was going to school to get a teaching degree. we found common ground in our love of literature and theater, our shared sensitivities, insights and intuition.
Our paths diverged: she married a CPA government accountant and returned to a traditional life. I became a single career woman. Nonetheless, over the decades, we maintained a warm though distant friendship. When she brought her grandkids to visit me in Sedona, we did card readings and hiked the vortexes. It NEVER occurred to me I was the ONLY “spiritual” contact in her life! So I was shocked to learn she didn’t know she was an empath – an HSP.
Teaching graduate leadership, I have discovered many of my empathic students do not know they are empaths either. They are most often among the servant and transformational leaders. Discussing empathy in leadership is a relatively new phenomenon, which was most likely triggered by the widespread acceptance of emotional intelligence as a valuable leadership trait. From a psycohlogical perspective, Dr. Aron’s research validates the highly sensitive / empathic personality type.
Clinical psychologist, Dr. Elaine Aron, discovered a personality type and named it HSP – highly sensitive person. I have two “guesses” about it: (1) she is an HSP and was researching her own characteristics, and (2) she did not name it “empathic” to set her work apart from non-researched and nonpsychological approaches, like leadership approaches and spiritual approaches.
According to her research, the HSP type is inborn and genetic, not learned or acquired. HSP’s comprise 15-30% of the population and share four traits:
1. They react emotionally – and can be very empathetic and empathic
2. They sense the subtle stimuli that others miss — and can be sensitive to foods, medicines, pain
3. They process information deeply and slowly – often due to reflection and unconscious feelings and intuition
4. They overstimulate quickly — to noises, smells, others’ moods /
emotions, harshness / violence
(Note: there is no correlation to introversion and extraversion).
REFLECT:
Do you have these characteristics?
The combination of these traits results in empathic, conscientious, cautious people who paradoxically may also seek sensation and relish novelty. For instance, I am highly intuitive and empathic. And I am considered adventurous / daring / risk taking. One of my careers was as a white water river guide.
HSP’s have a heightened aesthetic sense – with positive feelings for beauty / harmony. For instance, I am a minimalist living in a zen tiny hours two blocks from the ocean (an almost daily walk), am an art lover and an art film devotee.
HSP’s have a rich inner life. They are often vivid dreamers, and can feel drawn to the spiritual life. They are often excellent researchers, strategists and healers. For instance, I am a decades long dream analyst, live a primarily spiritual life, and spent over a decade researching the theta brain wave state.
Conversely, their heightened aesthetic sense can lead to overload from unpleasantness. They may avoid ugly / coarse / violent words, actions and images, which can lead to withdrawing / isolating and being anxious and depressed. For instance, I consciously maintain positive energy. I do not watch / listen to news, crime shows, action films, etc. I do not listen to popular music. I do not engage in gossip. I do not engage in competitive sports or games.
HSPs are highly valued in cultures that value reserved, cautious behavior such as China, Japan, and Sweden. However, they are less valued in bolder, competitive cultures like Anglo-American and some European societies. They often feel misunderstood, undervalued, and “outside” the culture.
REFLECT:
What are your lifestyle habits around HSP traits?
Do you feel misunderstood, undervalued, and “outside” the culture?
APPLY:
Take the HSP self assessment at
https://sensitivityresearch.com/self-tests/adult-self-test/
The paradox is that HSPs are
* idealistic and hope for a better world, so they are often drawn to social issues and act as change agents / activists for social justice.
* are sensitive to the injustices and feel them more deeply and intensely, leading to anxiety, burnout and dis-ease
As an HSP, I have grappled to balance these characteristics with feeling guided / impelled to make a difference. I can’t do good works when I’m overloaded or burned out, so I have created guidelines and boundaries for my overall well being to assure I maintain my positive ”edge”.
* I plan LOTS of quiet time, limiting activity in general and large group activity in particular
* I spend time in nature, regularly with my plants / garden
* I limit negative stimuli – no TV news, violent shows / movies / books, negative people
* I meditate BEFORE I get out of bed
* I play high frequency music while I work on the computer
* I generate and maintain positive thoughts and feelings
* I maintain a small positive support system
* I trust my guidance and follow it
* I put myself first as appropriate
* I allow myself to say no often
* I don’t work more than 2.5 years at a stretch in a position in a corporate setting
APPLY:
Create a plan to maintain your effectiveness, one element at a time.
ie HSP’s can burnout easily. Plan how you will prevent this.
HSP’s can go into overload easily. Plan how you will prevent this.
HSP’s often take longer to make decisions. Plan how you will accommodate this in your schedule / life.
HSP’s often find conflict and criticism difficult. Plan how you will become more comfortable with them. (see teh blog on Redirection Feedback – Receiving)
HSP’s often have very high expectations and are highly critical of themselves. Plan how you will stay in self acceptance.
The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, Elaine N. Aron, Broadleaf Books, 2023
The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person: A Workbook to Harness Your Strengths in Every Part of Life, Amanda Cassil
The Highly Sensitive: How to Stop Emotional Overload, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Energy, Judy Dyer
Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person, Barrie Jaeger
