If you tip your server over 20% when you eat out, you most likely value service or generosity or… If you allow another person to go in front of you in line, you most likely value politeness or kindness or… If you correct someone’s actions, you most likely value accountability or responsibility or…
Our values describe what is important to us – what we care about the most. We get them from our family, culture, education, religion, socialization, etc. They are foundational for our worldview, the mental lens through which we view / interpret the world (see the blog on Worldview).
Values are:
- often unconscious
- our drivers / motivators
- the basis of our judgments, behaviors, decision making,
And there is power in identifying them and intentionally living them, both personally – leading yourself – and professionally – leading others.
Debra Lee transformed BET (Black Entertainment Television) by identifying their values
— family, community, uplift, respect, reflect, elevate —
and intentionally leading in alignment with them – especially when difficult decisions had to be made (see the blog on Lee – A Transformational Leader).
REFLECT:
Think of your common behaviors.
Try to identify the value that underlies them.
APPLY:
Review the list of values included below. Mark your values.
Pick the top 5-10.
Then rank them in order of importance. Plan to review / revise regularly.
Note: If this if your first experience with a values exercise, don’t expect to get clear right away. It can take time for review and reflection.
Values Defined and Applied:
Identifying the behaviors / actions for your top values can be a life-changer.- If a top value is health, behaviors have to include diet, exercise,
- If a top value is spirituality, behaviors have to include connection to Spirit, compassion, and
I struggled with a definition for prosperity, because some of my most joyful times had occurred during some of my least successful financial times.
Then I saw Leonard Orr’s definition of prosperity:
Never doing something I don’t want to do for money. Never NOT doing something I want to do for lack of money.
And I learned a Rabbi’s definition of prosperity (I’ve forgotten his name): Increasing my prosperity without decreasing the prosperity of another.
Those were the values I was living. Consequently, I lacked financial security. So I added it as a separate value AFTER prosperity, and determined behaviors to support it.
My top value of freedom has different definitions in my personal and professional lives.
- Freedom personally means being a free spirit and not being boxed in mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
- Freedom professionally means leading my own parade and not being controlled or micromanaged. Being an entrepreneur is a perfect fit. Teaching with academic freedom is a perfect fit. Blogging is a perfect fit.
APPLY:
After you rank your values, define each of your most important values in behavioral / action terms.
Values Conflicts:
Feelings of stress, self conflict and frustration are often due to having conflicting values. If a top value is money and / or achievement, and you are offered a promotion with a substantial raise, that feels good. If another top value is family, and you live close to extended family, that feels good. If the promotion requires you to relocate to a distant location, you have a values conflict that can create stress, frustration and uncertainty about the right thing to do. That feels bad. In this situation, using a prioritization approach can be useful (see the blog on Prioritization).REFLECT:
What values conflicts have you experienced? How did they make you feel?
How did you resolve them?
Deal Breakers:
When I was offered the Executive Director position for a UN NGO (United Nations Non-governmental Organization) that was in alignment with my life purpose, I had a values conflict. While I was excited about making a huge difference globally, I was concerned about an unethical practice I had observed within the organization at the top levels. I had pointed it out to teh existing ED, who had justified it and dismissed my concerns.
I reached out to a best friend career counselor and described the situation. She suggested I identify my “deal breakers” – lines I wouldn’t cross. There were several involved: honesty, integrity, fairness. Once I was clear that they were deal breakers, my values conflict evaporated. I was clear: I turned down the position. While I regretted not being able to lead that organization, I have never regretted the decision.
APPLY:
As you rank your values, identify any “deal breakers”. Those are values you won’t cross – like honesty, integrity, fairness.
Cognitive Dissonance:
Cognitive Dissonance occurs when
- we have a self concept based on living our values, such as – fairness is a top value and I am a fair person
- and that self concept is challenged / threatened by actual events / behaviors – I act unfairly and I am called on it
When we experience Cognitive Dissonance, we create a new story to explain / justify / rationalize the actual events / behavior (see the blog on Cognitive Dissonance).
When I started teaching, I adopted guidelines to assure fairness. When students asked questions in class, I intentionally alternated responding equally by gender, ethnicity, ability, etc. One man, one woman, one white, one minority, one A student, one lower scoring student…
The interesting part of this was a student complained to the Dean that he couldn’t get his questions answered because I only responded to females. Evidently, his value as an A student included a self image of coming first. And when he had to wait for a turn, he created a story to justify not coming first.
Knowing our values and how they impact our self image, judgments, behaviors, decision making, etc. is a powerful tool for emotionally intelligent and effective leadership.
