A sociologist, Morris Massey theorized that our values lock in at ten years of
age. He wrote a bookend training materials on “You Are What You Were
When” to explore the difference in generational values. (He has expanded
this to cover four developmental periods).
I included his theory in my leadership training modules, but when the
training materials didn’t arrive in time for my session with ALL leaders of
Unalaska, AK (that is not a typo – its a large seaport in the Aleutian Chain), I
had to improvise to fill time. So I spontaneously created a self reflection /
small group exercise that was so successful, it has become one of my go-to
consulting and coaching tools. I have used it for Board retreats, team
building, individual coaching, graduate leadership classes…
The Exercise:
* have participants profile their lives at 10 in several categories (see the
REFLECT section below)
*. put forth a controversial topic (I use assisted suicide)
* divide them into 3 groups: agree, disagree, undecided
* guide participants to discuss their PROFILES to learn what their 10 year old
selves have in common. Instruct them NOT to discuss the topic.
* have each group discuss / present their findings
In my recent graduate leadership Worldview class, the outcomes were the
same as they have been consistently over the years:
For the AGREE group,
* they observed / experienced a loved one having a painful demise
* and / or they believed in “the individual’s right to decide”
For the DISAGREE group,
* their religion was against it (practicing and devout Catholic)
For the UNDECIDED group,
* their leisure time was in nature or in a natural setting like a farm /
ranch where they viewed the cycles of life and saw death as natural
REFLECT & APPLY:
Profile yourself / your life at 10 years of age:
Parenting (extended, nuclear, single, foster, etc.)
Ethnic / Cultural Background
Financial Status
Education (public, private, diverse, homogeneous)
Environment (area, living conditions, etc.)
Religion / Religious Behaviors
Community / Group Affiliations
Activities
Leisure
Other
Analyze your profile for your values and how they got formed.
According to Massey, these values endure until we have a Significant
Emotional Event – a SEE – which can lead us to “see” things differently.
Massey defines a SEE as
“an experience that is so mentally arresting that it becomes a catalyst
for you to consider, examine, and possibly change your initial values or
value system.”
I see blogs that mistakenly say SEEs are painful. While adverse events can be
SEEs, they can also be positive, uplifting, life affirming, exhilarating, awe
inspiring… Note that Abraham Maslow said no one reached self actualization
without a “peak experience” – which is a high level SEE.
For instance, Apollo 14 Astronaut Edgar Mitchell, the sixth person to walk on
the moon, had a powerful psychic / spiritual experience — a SEE — on his
way back to Earth. It caused him to shift from valuing science to valuing
consciousness. He founded IONs, the Institute of Noetic Sciences, to research
consciousness and other related phenomena – to bring together science and
religion.
Deciding I wanted to meet Mitchell, I registered for a Brain and
Consciousness conference where he was presenting. I was just launching my
Change Your Mind theta brain state product line, so I reserved a display table
as well.
I was standing beside my display table when a man stopped to view the
materials. He was medium height, casually dressed in chinos and a plaid
shirt, with a short haircut — an engineer / accountant type look. He was
purposeful in exploring the materials, and picked up the Accept Change and
Face Your Future script to read thoroughly.
Turning to me, he asked if the author was around, as he’d like to meet him.
(Note the assumption it was the work of a man). When I told him I was the
author, he was dubious and began quizzing me about the way I created my
scripts and recordings. When he was finally convinced that I was indeed the
author, he said, “Well, you got lucky on this script on change and the future. It
has chaos theory in it.”
Laughing, I retorted, “What makes you think I got lucky. This is based on
research.” And we embarked on an exhilarating hour long discussion of
science and spirituality. We were totally engrossed when a staff member
approach him to say he had to go. Apologizing for having to leave, the man
said he was about to be late for his presentation – and introduced himself. He
was Edgar Mitchell, the man I had come to meet. He gave me hearty praise
for the breakthrough work, and encouraged me to keep doing it.
That was a SEE for me — “an experience that is so mentally arresting that it
becomes a catalyst for you to consider, examine, and possibly change your
initial values or value system.” Though it didn’t change WHAT I valued —
using a research base of science and consciousness for personal
transformation — it did change WHO I valued. It shifted me from valuing
other researchers over myself – to value myself as a colleague “thought
leader” in the field. Priceless!
REFLECT:
Think about your SEEs – and how they have changed you / your values.
Include positive and painful experiences as appropriate.
