If you’re in a leadership position and / or have had communication training, you are probably aware of active listening principles:
* listen to understand
* maintain focus / attention on the speaker, not your own thoughts
* remain neutral: listen without judgement
* listen without interrupting
The skill was first taught in the 1960’s in PET – Parent Effectiveness Training – and spread widely from there. It is emphasized in partner training as well organizational leadership.
REFLECT:
What was a recent misunderstanding in your life due to a lack of active
listening – yours or someone else’s?
A combined active listening and critical thinking exercise I used in my classes led to increased awareness in a light-hearted way. I read ten statements – one time each – and students silently wrote their answers. Then we reviewed them as a class – to much merriment. Here’s a sample of the statements. You have an advantage reading them, but answer them and see how well you do.
(Answers are at the end of the blog.)
1. How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the Ark with him?
2. Do they have a 4th of July In England?
3. A rancher had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many were left?
4. Which is correct: nine and seven ARE fifteen or nine and seven IS fifteen?
5. If an airplane crashes on the Alaska – Canada border, in which country do they bury the survivors?
You can find dozens of internet postings on active listening, including You Tube how-to videos. So there’s no need to cover that here. My unique contribution to the field of active listening is introducing psycho-soma – the mind body connection. By using neutral body language, you can almost guarantee focus and neutrality.
Once I taught myself this technique, which is SIMPLE and EFFECTIVE, it served me in all situations, including:
* getting a teen to open up
* sitting at the labor negotiations bargaining table
* conducting termination meetings
* testifying in court
* dealing with “character assassination” (see the blog on Echo Chamber – Political.)
APPLY:
Sit squarely and evenly, with shoulders relaxed and down, chin level, hands open and relaxed, both feet on the ground. Pay attention to the chin position: forward is aggressive: level is assertive: dropped is passive.
Think of a significant emotional memory.
Monitor your body language. Make sure you maintain the neutral position.
Picture the circumstances from the emotional event.
Monitor your body language. Make sure you maintain the neutral position.
Feel the emotion from the memory.
Monitor your body language. Make sure you maintain the neutral position.
Review what happened. If you felt the emotion, the body shifted.
Practice the neutral position until you can assume it at will.
The standing position is the same, with hands loose and by your sides or lightly clasped in front of you.
While neutral body language pretty well guarantees you can maintain focus and neutrality, no amount of active listening serves you if the speaker is not providing valuable and meaningful information. Often, the information is in direct response to a question. So the quality of the question determines the quality of the information.
The first how-to guideline for effective questioning is to know the difference between closed ended questions and open ended questions. Each has its place in gathering information.
Closed ended questions seek a “forced” simple answer.
Did the team work well together?
Is the budget accurate?
Did we meet our quality standards?
Open ended questions are “tell me a story” questions.
How did the team function, and how can it improve?
How could making budget changes help our profitability?
How could our quality standards be updated?
Once you master this basic skill of knowing when and how to ask these questions, the possibilities for good questions becomes endless. To make it easy for you to come up with your own set / series of questions, I am including blogs of specific questions from various sources. Pick and choose the ones that work for you and your situation.
APPLY:
Try neutral body language once a day for a week.
Answers to the questions:
1. Noah boarded the Ark, not Moses.
2. No, England did not win independence on that day.
3. All but 9 died: therefore 9 were left alive.
4. 9 + 7 = 16, not 17.
5. You don’t bury survivors.
